I climbed a mountain and I turned around

Today I am writing from the Blue Hill Mountains after two long weeks of training. I anticipate I won’t be able to be outside without a coat on that much longer these days, which is exciting as the fall colors start to peak through, but also terrifying, because cold gray days can be very..hmm…cold…and gray.

I feel a bit like Forrest Gump, who was running just because, today. I just kept hiking, and hiking, and after I finish up here, I am going to have to find my way back before dusk. It’s beautiful up here, and silent for the most part, which is really nice after such a long while with my workmates, who are loud and fun and right now, as tired as I am I think. I’ll miss them so much as they go off to their corners of the world, but I cannot wait to get started with the ‘real work,’ in the office and my first couple of assignments here in the area and down in Virginia apparently.

It can be hard to stay grounded so away from most everything and everyone I’ve known the past couple of decades, but I am working on it. I frustrate myself being too covetous of life – the opposite of contentment. Maybe it’s because I am young, so to speak, that I just keep wanting more. Maybe it is something pathological. I sometimes wonder how much variation there is within humanity, and how many of these thoughts and feelings are things we all go through, and how many are embedded in just a few of us, and who those people are, so that we can get together once and awhile and say, “What’s up with that?”

As much as I frustrate myself, I am also amazed that I, probably for the first time in my entire life, feel like I am basically making all of my own decisions. It is overwhelming and awesome! From what I listen to in the car to where I go to when I sleep and what I think, it is just me and God plenty of times, talking it through. Growing up I have always felt this huge responsibility to others – family, friends, school, partners, but now the majority of the obligation I feel is just to me, to do the right thing for me so that I can best love others as it is intended for me, and to grow into all my potential for this existence. How insane to have that be the new thing on my shoulders, but it feels incredible too. Sometimes it is very funny to me that I really have no idea where I am living or what, beyond a few hints to the future, will happen next. I guess that is why we are given the present and the rest is up to a poor memory and an uncontainable divine.

Enough babble though, even if it is merited. I am so excited to hang out with H tomorrow in the city! This weekend is going to be fairly relaxing I think – just a long day with a great friend then the rest of the time to clean up and move into the apartment before S visits next weekend. I also can’t wait to go to my first in-community meeting next week with a few of the local staff I met during training. I am so glad that opportunities exist out there to use my education in the real world, I cannot tell you!

Tonight, I am going to attempt to get some fast food somewhere. I saw a Wendy’s up the road, but otherwise, I am clueless as to where to look. Wish me and my tummy good luck!!

Update:: I made it down the mountain and stopped at D'Angelo Grilled Sandwiches for an amazing veggie classic sub that I can imagine myself getting for years to come (I walk in the restaurant and say, "Hi, Dorothy! The usual, please.). It's akin to the UniMini subs, except there is more cheese. I think it's the start to a good weekend.