How about being better to ourselves, like being less worried about gaining weight or being ugly, but more willing to love oneself so that one does exercise, eat well, do small things that bring out natural beauty in his or her form, function and character?
Usually when I try to be better in a way that's scary, usually revolving around human relationships, I feel ridiculous and second-guess myself the entire time. For instance, I'll go out of my way to encourage or counsel someone I don't know very well and wonder if they think I'm being nosy about their personal troubles and inappropriate. It feels odd to do this sort of thing, but also sad that I'm sometimes more "comfortable" being aloof, isolated, and disengaged with my fellow humans. After all, I think I would like that sort of compassion were the situation reversed, but there's that anxiety and self-scrutiny all the same.
A month ago, I went to a colleague's birthday, and it was one of those moments. We'd only worked together twice, but she went out of her way to invite co-workers to her 50th birthday party, and I thought that was really kind. So S and I made the drive south to join her family and friends for the casual day, and it was wonderful, but AWKWARD to me on the inside.
Yesterday, though, I got a simple card from her that reads, "It was so cool you came," and that makes all my paranoia all worthwhile.
It makes me think that our life's happiness and/or regrets aren't all made up of those big scary decisions, like where to live, what job to take, and how many kids to have (and what tattoos to get, hee hee), but are more about the small shifts we make in our attitudes to carry us forward.
I am going to try to be more brave in these itty-bitty ways.
No comments:
Post a Comment