Thought for the day

Pray for Charlie Sheen.

Foooooooooooooooood

Remember when I said that S and are going to spend less money on eating out? Yeah, because it was two posts ago. But, I should say, that this wholesome pledge has no place during our birthdays.

S took me out to the best place for my birthday dinner this year - Oleana in Cambridge. It's a Turkish/Arabic restaurant and among being dimly lit and wafting around the sounds of the Buena Vista Social Club, it has veggies!

I got the vegatable tasting menu, and literally had a race of a five course dinner to get through.

I could not stand how delicious it all was, or how sweet it was for my meat and potatoes guy to take me to this lovely little spot.

I love you, S!

Setting Sun

I wrote this poem at Starbucks. Where all the artistes of suburbia spend there workdays or playdays or whatever days they are. For me, it was President's Day, the day of our nation's founding humans, and I felt pretty sheepish 1) sitting in a Starbucks and 2) writing poetry there. I have been writing about the sun a lot. Maybe this is because I don't get to see the sun as much as I would like in winter. Maybe it is because it is a lifeforce, and what better subject of poetry than that? I am not in a rush to figure it out.

Setting sun
don't set on me.

There's so much to do, let your shadow shine through all the old in me to renew.

Spiritually dance, setting sun, setting sun
over the wrinkles and pores,
healing the rash and the sores,

calming the jumps of the nerves.

To set us aglow.

Little do we know of your plans -
we only see you moving.

So would that illumination do more in us than pass us by.

Rejoin our world...

...with the sky.

One step forward...

S and I are trying to save money. There are lots of reasons for this, but I would like to boil them down to principle, practice, and purpose.

In principle, I believe that we are responsible for one another, and that nothing we have materially is our own, but that it is gifted to us temporarily in life for us to be good stewards of. So in principle, saving money allows me to be a responsible steward of material wealth, enabling me to interact as a good citizen (i.e. - pay my bills, even in an emergency or unexpected situation) and to have available should it be needed by others, who I am grateful to provide for. S probably agrees with this more or less, sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on how extreme I get, ha ha.

In practice, saving money allows me to understand finance and be planful for the future. It helps me to learn the difference between my needs and my wants and to focus on what is truly important in life (neither material needs nor wants). In practice, this allows me to live with less and contribute to a more just society.

In purpose, saved money will utlimately go to a place other than immediate spending. These places are vehicles when needed, a home, savings for others, and for retirement. The more that is saved, and the less that is lived on, the more I can fund others needs at the expense of my wants, but not of my own needs, which I will also be better able to take care of.

In any case, this all boils down to making lifestyle changes, such as not spending money on clothes this year, and oh my, spending less on eating out. It all really, my friends, boils down to Chipotle.

Other than "needs" - rent, gas, electricity and groceries, S and I may have spent more on Chipotle than anything else last year. Based on some consumer research (of our own habits), we could have been spending $100 a month or more on burrittos. Wow.

So, in an effort to realign our priorities (there's another p!), we bought all the necessary ingredients for Chipotle-esque burritto bols at the supermarket the last time around, and made them ourselves. I know.

Here are the results:

It is a little early for too much market research into our new Chipotle-at-home habit, and there may be a bit of a relapse, who knows. Suffice it to say though, that every time we make burritto bols at home, we save 65% of the cost of a "Chipotle experience." Take that brand loyality marketing! Actually, no, I am not even going to pretend that we don't adore Chipotle, their free-range ethnics, and their fresh guacolmole. We do. But we'll enjoy all the p's even more from time to time.

Library run

One of the most gratifying habits to have is getting to the library. Free movies, free music, and most importantly, pretty awesome books, all for free.

Thousands, even millions, of new thoughts awaiting a visit to a local community hub that helps children learn to read, think and imagine, older people find jobs and use the internet, and me keep up with my not-so-formal education as an adult human being who should read more than CNN.com or PerezHilton.com for that matter.

Currently reading: Death by Church and The Third Jesus.

Currently watching: The Soloist, Changeling, Rosemary's Baby.

S is reading: Metamorphosis

Enjoy the weekend!

26 years!

Tomorrow is my 26th birthday. I am so grateful to be alive, to have the education, opportunity, health, and grace with me to do what I love, love who I love, and get to experience every bit of life in front of me.

Thanks to all of those who helped me any or every step of the way!!!

Exhale

Is there a moment in there?

Here now, really.

Where’s the time in which we’re defined?


With every look I want to pierce eternity.


Call it nostalgic, but I call it losing life.


Every firm, firm grip reminds me I’ll be loosed one day;


Every wind brings promise of stillness.


I try to fill my lungs past the point of bursting,


But then they break, the deep exhale, but then they break.


There’s something so comfortable about a coffee mug steaming,


The warmth slowly fading away.


Is there a moment in there?


In here, really.


Or is it all about the slow fade?

dmv 2.17.11

Really now?

Did you know that books have been written that contain no verbs?

Thanks to Snapple, Inc. and our weekly Ladies' Lunch Out, I do!
Snapple "Real Fact" #809: French Author Michel Thayer published a 233-page novel which has no verbs."

After stumbling upon this link, J and I, who both drank Snapple teas at lunch, had the following email conversation:

D: "Snapple Fact Dude :)"

J: "Alas, I like my action words."

D: "Me too! How tempting though."

J: "Not enough discipline."

D: "Why me and not you?!?"

J: "I give up! I told you, no discipline!"

D: "Too bad. So sad. Off to work more!"

Fridays, you slay me...

Love endures forever

Sometimes the universe shocks me, but then again, I have begun to expect miracles in my time, so I shouldn't feel so shocked by being shocked...I guess.

When planning for our Valentine's Day (hope you had a happy one, by the way), I had this vision of walking around Boston Common, twinkling lights all around, with S of course, just enjoying the dark and the big, big night all around us. I was so sad when I rationalized that sub-freezing temperatures would make this daydream so much worse in real life. I figured there was no point in trying to make something romantic when it would inevitably turn out to be dissapointing, so we made other plans.

However, come Vday, S and I realized that in fact, it was temperate outside. In fact, it was downright nice - cool, with some wind and some intermittment drops of rain. Kind of like a pensive fall evening, just in February.

So we got our Common stroll, twinkle lights and all, thanks to the frog pond/ice rink lined with sparkly white tree lights and the tall buildings all around us (courtesy). We strolled down the old brick walks of Beacon Hill, coffee and cider in hand, and took in the city(courtesy). It was reminiscent of when we'd take long walks in the middle of the night in Baltimore, just walking and talking, walking and talking, getting to know each other before we knew if we'd work out at all. I know, thank goodness we were safe! But I tend to think that when you are in love with a place, like Baltimore and now Boston, it's an altogether comforting place to be, even at midnight.

In honor of the holiday, I thought I'd share a little piece of a song I wrote last year. It's called Salvation, and it's about the sacred nature of the material world, even if our place in it is fleeting, while our place in the spiritual world is eternal. Kind of like Valentine's Day, I feel like our time on earth is so short, just a brief opportunity to give and receive love in a tangible way.

"We might not have so much

But we have more than we need

With trickets forged from memories

And blooms we grew from seed"

Top Ten Kidney Donation Memories

In honor of the one year anniversary of our surgery, I want to chime in with a list of Top 10 kidney-related moments, in honor of my wonderful mom and the awesome experience we got to share.

10. Valentine's Day shacked up in a Baltimore hotel watching TLC's Sexistics and ordering room service with S.
9. The first time I could walk again all on my own, sans wheelchair. The surgery made me appreciate the gift of physical movement, clumsy as I am.
8. Holding my own with the pushy coordinator. She was pushy and I was bedridden. So I fought back!
7. Sneaking all my yummy hospital food to S when no one was looking. "Yes, sir, this vegetarian will order the bacon cheesburger, extra bacon please." What else was I supposed to do without an appettite and with a ravenous boyfriend by my side?
6. Getting to watch the winter Olympics with my whole family. My love of Shaun White is confirmed.
5. Trusting God to take care of things that are not under my control.
4. Preparing for the surgery. This made me intentional about honoring life and using my life for a purpose bigger than myself.
3. All the incredible thoughts, prayers, gifts, and other expressions of love that surrounded my mom and I the entire time.
2. Carrying this experience with me as something I can always learn from and grow from.
1. Donating the kidney!!!

Happy Kidney Day 2011~With gratitude, D

Giving out of poverty

Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. "I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on." ~Gospel of Luke, Chapter 21, Verses 1-4.

There are a lot of beautiful, meaningful, even life-changing things to say about the above passage.

I don't think my words will be one of them.

I just want to say that I think when we give of ourselves out of poverty, weakness, uncertainty, or inferiority, it is something special and different than when we give of our riches, our talents and our gifts.

This leads me to admit that I am not good with jealousy. I get jealous and envious of anything I want to be and am not, or anything another has and I do not, but want. Not all the time, but lots of times.

I am also awkward, and in addition to this being cute at times, it is also, well, awkward. It makes me doubt myself and hesitate to express love when it is there, to speak up when I should, and often times to shut up when I should.

I doubt myself a lot, but I can also be haughty and think too well of myself.

I am a hypocrite, and I do things I wish I didn't.

I wish I was more brave, and kinder, and more hard working.

But the point of all of this is not to debase myself. I love myself and think myself worthwhile.

The point is just to share some of my imperfections, so that I might make my areas of poverty a source of strength in others.

If you relate to me, I am saying I relate to you too, that we are in this together. If you don't, I am saying I am proud of you for your character and I look up to you.

Don't be afraid to be generous. You are never too rich or too poor to open your arms or your heart.

Zodiac

Dear Chinese Zodiac,

Personality

Occupying the 2nd position on the Chinese Zodiac, Oxen possess such character traits as dependability, strength and determination. Oxen are tolerant individuals who believe that the road to success involves hard work and scrupulous behavior; they don’t believe in taking shortcuts. They characterize those who don’t work hard as lazy individuals not worthy of respect.

Oxen are capable of trusting others and will listen to their opinions with an open mind. However, Oxen prefer making decisions that are based on their own research. Oxen favor strong, life-long alliances to casual acquaintances.

Home is where Oxen go to seek comfort, occasionally watching television or reading. They prefer the rural outdoors and spend the majority of their “home” time working in the garden or caring for the yard.

Health

Oxen are strong individuals who overall are healthy and live long, fulfilled lives. However, they tend to work too much, rarely allowing themselves enough time to relax. Oxen could benefit from incorporating more non-work-related activity into their lives.

Career

Oxen prefer work that is routine. They take a methodological approach to their tasks and excel in jobs that are specialized. Oxen possess a keen eye for detail and an admirable work ethic. They are more productive when allowed to work alone. Good career choices for oxen include: interior designer, painter, carpenter, quarry worker, archeologist, horticulturist, mechanic, engineer, draftsman, banker, broker, real estate agent and army officer.

Relationships

Oxen aren’t very sociable and rarely participate in group activities. They abhor small talk and won’t waste their time flirting. They will search long and hard for the perfect partner as change makes them uncomfortable.

Whether due to an ox’s tendency to be overbearing or tendency to place blame on others, relationships with Oxen don’t always work out.

When Oxen realize that partnerships involve two people and two points of view, satisfying matches are possible.

...You're pretty much right on. (Except here.)

Happy Chinese New Year (and year of the rabbit)!

Love, D.

Clothes Prose

I don't think there is a limit to where or from whom we can learn something different about ourselves and the world. This is one of the reasons I like blogs – because everyone on them shares a little piece of themself in post-sized bits, and it's like seeing through their eyes for a moment in time.

The way my world looks these days, it's all about saving money and living fully. In the recent past, I budgeted very little money for extra, out of necessity. Currently, S and I our very interested in saving, which turns my monthly budget into a quest, by which I put absolutely every bit of extra I think I can into my savings account each paycheck and then try to find ways to trick myself into living off even less than I thought I could each month. The rewards for this are self-discipline, appreciation of simple things, and ultimately, maybe some more in savings each month.

As I learn to save, I am proactive and reactive. I plan ahead to save, but I still need to control the urge to spend when it arises. I wean myself off bad habits little by little but try to make bigger sacrifices too. One such sacrifice is a pledge not to buy any new clothes this year. In a way, this is an easy choice, because I have more than enough clothing to wear. In another way, it feels sad, because clothes are a fun, functional art form.

Enter inspiration via fashion bloggers, who are everywhere online. A ton of them are committed to "remixing" clothes already in one's closet or shopping on a dime. And they all look fabulous doing it. So while I am no fashion blogger, I wanted to challenge myself to write a fashion post this past week, in order to get my creative closet juices going.

It was harder than I thought. Pre-planning outfits has always been a haphazard experience for me. I would much rather wake up with plenty of time to spare, have dozens of clean, pretty clothing options hung up in my humungous closet (read: this is pure fantasy) on any given day, and be able to grab something quickly that looks great and feels nice on. That never happens. Most days, realistically, I look for what is clean and "matches" as best as possible. I try to not create fashion blunders rather than thinking about what I like to wear.

When I had to pick outfits out this week, I was stressed by the extra time it took, and even more stressed about documenting it. But it also put me in a pulled-together vibe, allowed me to enjoy wearing articles of clothing that I typically think are not that great, and got me to love my clothes rather than merely need them for societal participation. Don't get me wrong, I've never thought of clothes as just something to cover the body, but on a typical work week, I prefer 15 minutes of extra sleep to an awesome look. The following certainly represent a well-worth-it collective 105 minutes less sleep:

On Sunday I decided I was going to plan and document the following week's outfits. I inaugurated the process by adding a belt to the outfit I was wearing at the time and pretty much called it a day. Later on, I redid my hair for the look, which you can see in the upper right-hand corner of the panel.

On Monday I experimented with wearing a summer dress under a year-round skirt and loved the outfit. The cardigan was kind of a necessity of the season, but it was an added benefit that my Gramma's cocktail ring looked nice with everything.

On Tuesday I wore a blazer I don't usually like and actually really loved it for the first time. The casual underpinnings of my outfit helped me feel less stuffy.

On Wednesday I had to pry myself out of my sweats, as I was working at home that day and had no other reason than this challenge to get dressed. While I don't think I'll wear this combination of items together again, I needed bright colors for this snow day.

On Thursday I had to bring my outfit to work in a tote bag. Digging out my car in the morning required that I wear my jammies and snowboarding pants in to work, so as to handle the freezing manual labor and necessitating the at-work change. I wore a very easy outfit – a pretty summer dress gifted from my mom, plus old field hockey leggings, a fitted cardigan (different from Sunday's, but the exact same color from the exact same store) and my boots. After the morning's grungy affairs, I felt pretty disgusting the entire day, but I would have felt heinous had I not be wearing something so starkly different from the aforementioned snow pants.

On Friday I wanted to be casual, comfortable, but not sloppy looking. Save the cuff, the items I wore were all super-basics in color, texture, everything. They are all items that could be background pieces to a more creative outfit, but for Friday, I liked them plain and simple, just as they were, without a standout piece.

On Saturday I didn't put too much thought into it. I added a costume necklace onto an otherwise boring outfit. Being myself on Saturday is really too tempting.

So there is my week in clothes, whereupon I learned to appreciate and maybe even revel in what I'll be wearing for the next 11 months. This experience gave me a new vision for old items that I can use to accomplish my goals and to flex my creative muscles. Thanks blog world, for teaching me a little more this week than I would have known otherwise, for being so vast and imaginative.

Obama on belief

"Faith reminds me that in spite of being one very imperfect man I can still help whoever I can, however I can, wherever I can for as long as I can, and that somehow God will buttress these efforts." - BHO

Morning Prayer at the 58th National Prayer Breakfast.