The month of November

Wow. It felt weird and old-fashioned signing into the blog, after essentially a whole month away.

What was I doing in November? While quite sequestered in my own little world, I still feel like the answer should be - everything.

I was re-reading Twilight and re-watching Breaking Dawn, visiting Maryland, Illinois and Georgia, saying goodbye to two Great-Uncles and meeting a swarm of new cousins, presenting at a conference of Latin American schools, and despining surveys at home. I cooked my first ever Thanksgiving Day turkey, and bought my first ever pair of skinny jeans. I met Pinocchio the alligator and celebrated Ladies' Lunch Out with a dude (my boss). I waited for more snow, which did not come, except on the first day I ever spent in Atlanta.

Generally, autumn has been my favorite time of year. This year, I have to keep reminding myself that this is what I wanted. In theory, my life is how I wish it to be - down to the very details of day-to-day living and including bigger and broader achievements and circumstances. In practice, though, if I don't reflect on how lucky I am, how much grace has been poured out onto my life, and how hard work and prayer and the support of others has given me this idyllic existence, I am not sure I'll have recognition of my blessings at all.

I feel a bit like a pharisee. The outside of my cup is clean, but what about the inside? Patience, industry, honesty, and well-balanced meekness and boldness are still goals that elude me. The peace that surpasses all understanding is so simple to feel when times are bleak, but harder to achieve when the outside world indicates that there might in fact be an abundance of stability, even in the absence of the Almighty's guiding hand. I need to keep looking within, to challenge myself, much more so now than when times have been tougher.

I've been bounced around alot in the past month, and come out of it all on the other end. I'm feeling a burst of hope from the possibility that as the outside world turns cold and withers away, my inner self is reawakening.