Women on women

What makes a woman a role model today? In fiction? In real life?

Apparently some folks are upset that Miss Ohio named Pretty Woman as a movie with a positive female role model as the lead. Either they find the idea of a prostitute as a role model offensive, or they find the idea of an attractive, young woman as a role model offensive.

"She rescues him right back."

I for one love Pretty Woman as a movie and agree in some sense with Miss Ohio's statement. I also love movies that will likewise cause fellow feminists to potentially call me superficial, vapid, or a detriment to the cause of equality - Clueless and Legally Blonde come immediately to mind. I am not afraid for my ego or my IQ to say that I find these movies enjoyable to watch as a leisure activity and inspiring to watch as a woman.

Written and directed by a woman.

When I hear women cut down female characters in our pop culture instead of proposing alternatives, or worse yet, or when I hear us cut down other women for liking female characters that we personally do not like, it makes me wonder:

• Why is it bad that a "pretty" woman is a role model, or a blond woman, or a young woman?
• Do these fictional women not possess characteristics that cause us to love them, and that go beyond their physical appearance?
• Vivian's intuition, care for others, assertiveness, and wit?
• Cher's analytical nature, her joyfulness, and her optimism?
• Elle's friendliness and willingness to grow? 
• All three of these women's self-determination and dogged adherence to their own self-worth?
• Why are we so quick to write them off just because of how they look, when a disproportionate emphasis on women's looks is actually the problem?

"I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard."

Not all of our heroines have to beautiful, nor should we discount them because they are. Physical beauty should not be something that divides women and causes us to argue with one another about the value of each others' influence in the world.

Honestly, I think you'd have to be crazy to watch Pretty Woman and assume that Vivian changed Edward's life because she was beautiful. She changed it because she had a gift for seeing who he was and forcing him to deal with that reality. He changed her life because he did the very same thing for her, not because he was rich. On that point, Vivian's objectification as an attractive woman is no worse in the movie than Edward's objectification as a rich man, but who's out there decrying the disproportionate prevalence of well-to-do male characters in popular movies these days? No one (except maybe me now, yikes).

I really want us to teach our daughters to value the contributions of women's personalities over our personal thoughts on their looks.

I want my daughters to watch a movie and talk about how the characters thought and felt and what they did about their thoughts, feelings, challenges and aspirations. I want them to understand that outer beauty can be nice, and that it's not an enemy, but that character quality outshines it every time.

And most importantly, I would really love it if we women would recognize that instead of criticizing ourselves and or peers, we can be a force for encouragement and positive change.

So I encourage you to love and admire the women you do, no matter their age, weight, height, color, or your own determination of how physically beautiful they are. Really dig into why it is that you relate to certain characters, in reality or fiction, and I bet you'll find it has little to do with their appearance and much to do with just how amazing us women really are.