Sunday, April 23, 2006
| For the longest time I think I hoped to know someone who would make up for my father. Who would be everything he wasn't in encouraging and believing in me. I was sorely disappointed when I realized that no amount of good anyone could do could take away or counter-balance the harm he had done to my self-concept. Then I thought of something. I did need someone to compensate for the wrongdoing my Dad had done, and the hurt he caused me. But I myself needed to be that person. I needed to fix the damage all myself. No one else was responsible for those weaknesses or needs in me. Given this, who else was I to come to know in my life to be close to? Whoever. Someone I liked. Someone whose presence I enjoyed, and someone who I could confidently share myself with. Something like that. |
I've been reading a lot of my old writing recently (blog stuff, old high school journals) and realizing that I have been quite perceptive over the years.
We come back around to the same things - who we are, who we want to be, and how to make those two ends meet.
It is oddly reassuring that as I grow, I revisit themes from my life and evolve them further.
It is not always easy to be older and deal with some of the same issues time and time again. But I am proud to admit that I am not perfect. I am happy to feel different from others and learn why that might be. I am confident that the person I am becoming is relating to a world where there's a place for her. And I really hope that other people can look at their lives and feel that same way.
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