I saw this question and had a sinking feeling, because I knew that to answer it truthfully, as the topic rubs in my face just a bit, I would have to dig deep.
This is because I do feel like right now in my life, I am keeping some feelings to myself that I would rather not have. Or, if I have them, I would like to be able to share them; one or the other.
I don't share them because that's not "appropriate," and I don't want to have them, because to have them and not share them is stifling. I do need some time, more time, to sort them out, to make sure that they are what they seem, but in the mean time, I keep them to myself and have questioned whether or not this makes me a liar - If the actions and behavior I engage in with others are simply not genuine, because the bases of these actions are potential pretenses.
I loop around, rationalizing sometimes, but mostly convincing myself that the balance is this - to not deny my emotions, while understanding that having an emotion does not mean I need to act out its epitome. I can be angry without being hurtful, I can be sad without making myself miserable, and I can be happy without relinquishing the responsibilities of life in utter celebration of the mood.
So I come back around to the question - am I lying with silence? And I answer, no, so long as my actions are not evasive, but in protection of my privacy, to which I have a right.
Can silence be a lie? I think this gets back to my response to the last question, about messages. I am going to say that in most cases, silence is discretion, often "appropriate" discretion, often allowable discretion, without the decider of silence being made to feel he or she is giving over to a lie.
But...in the case that your message, my message, is getting derailed by your or my silence, then yes, we're lying and we need to make a change.
An example of that - today this guy at the gas station made a comment to me. It could have been taken as a compliment, a pick up line, or harassment depending on how one looked at it. I laughed it off, but I was offended by it's sloppiness, it's disrespect, even if it was well-intended. There is no excuse for a grown man to be that casual with a woman he barely knows when plenty of men do behave with respect and show it routinely. So my laughter, well, it was better than acting in absolute favor of this man's comment, but it wasn't my voice, my message, of dignity and respect. It wasn't standing up for women the way I would want my daughter to stand up for herself. So I lied to myself there, a little bit, and I can learn to do better.
Coming right 'round again, this has been an interesting question to answer. With my own current life predicament as with my gas station example, the answer is the same. My actions should align with my values, my feelings, my thoughts, but my actions do not need to be defined by what is inside of me, so long as they do not contradict my core identity. I'm not lying when I am being silent if that silence is a silence of self-respect and character. I have time inside myself to figure things out, so that when I am ready, I can give voice to my fullest self.
If you want to consider these questions for yourself, remember that the full list is here:
http://www.marcandangel.com/2010/03/29/25-beautifully-illustrated-thought-provoking-questions/
