I got blisters on my inner-arches running way too long today, jamming to Boston and being competitive with all the other men and women at the gym. I am uncoordinated, people, endurance is the only game I've got! I am going to be walking on the outer-edges of my tooties all week.
Boston's a pretty good band to run to. I also really like Green Day's American Idiot album - it's good for a distance run in the city, on the concrete, pounding it out like you're mad at the system or something. I am a little mad at the system sometimes, but anger always gets in the way of love, so I don't dwell on my frustrations.
A good song about system-hating/world-lovin' revelation that made me cry the first time I heard it was "The World I Know," by Collective Soul. I really had a spiritual experience watching MTV that day as an 11 year old.
I really think God crafts our lives in a beautiful web, so that it hangs together in ways we'll never see but in hindsight, looking back on it someday, when we're no longer hanging on every thread. I think that not so much because it necessarily makes the best sense to believe - by some rationale, it'd be more likely that an authority like God builds a life like an architect, not a spider - but because I feel it and I know it, especially when I see it in glimpses of the story behind me.
Have we eyes to see that love is gathering, the music says. This is why it doesn't do to dwell on hate. Love is gathering, that's the fact my soul can't deny, and it isn't so much a theological debate to win with myself, but a picture to open my eyes to.
When I heard that song as a little girl, it's like I was being prepared for that fact that all those little girl emotions don't go away when you get older. In fact, even big boys in a rock band feel them, heh he. But seriously, I was being prompted to keep feeling my feelings, and learning that they weren't so much mine as a part of the human condition, and maybe even the very condition of being period. Being a part of this thing...flora, fauna, foe, or friend.
So that's a bit about why I try, as much as I fail, to side-step fear and hate and disharmony.
So I walk upon high and I step to the edge to see my world below.
And I laugh at myself as the tears roll down, cause it's the world I know.
Except when I'm at the gym. Then, bring on the blisters and get outta my way!
1 comment:
Write on, D. :) Your life is a beautiful story, and each passage adds more depth and meaning. Thank you ever so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings here on your blog. I already know you have a soul of great intensity and passion, but it's a real treat to get a glimpse of your developing insights and personhood.
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