Maybe it is because it is nearing wedding season, but I have read multiple times in the blogosphere recently how people are having anniversaries, and they are getting the reaction from others, "Oh, just wait until you've been married X amount of years, all of the magic will wear off."Firstly, I am really saddened that any one would chose to react to another person's anniversary celebration like that. For one, it takes the focus off the bliss of the happy couple and puts it on the unhappy commentator who just had to impart her "wisdom." Why is this the choice response, among so many others, like, "Congratulations!" or "You guys really are a wonderful couple!" or "I admire how you two love and treat each other in your marriage"? Anything but negative words that reflect so poorly on the speaker and are SO self-centered.
Secondly, who says?! Who says that after you've been in a relationship for X amount of years and have been in some bad fights, have had some dull days together, or have stopped caring about morning breath, that the magic, the fun, the butterflies have to stop? Butterflies inevitably fly away, but it is up to you for the sake of your relationship to catch them!
I am not in a marriage, so I don't claim to know what one is like. I understand their are plenty of bad, or even abusive relationships out there, and I don't think anyone deserves that.
But in a "just okay" marriage where the sparks are gone, I believe it is up to the people in the marriage to change that, and not simply sit back and complain about one another, or wait for the other person to care more. Why get married if not to cultivate a beautiful, dynamic, working relationship where the ebb and flow of good and bad ties you closer together? Why get married if not to surprise your spouse with romance and flirtation when you are elderly, parenting, vacationing, sick, well, rich, poor...? Why get married if you don't plan on doing a lot of apologizing, a lot of forgiving, and if you don't believe in unconditional love that can renew your bond?
I think it's doing the covenant relationship of marriage such a disservice (and one another a disservice!) if you aren't selflessly committing to making what is just an okay marriage fantastic.
So I am really happy that the newly weds out there are unconvinced if not unphased by what others have said. I am glad they are defining their own relationships based on the supreme love they have for one another. They are such good examples, and to them I say cheers!
To the others, I have to admit I don't know you and I shouldn't speak ill of you at all without walking a 5k in your shoes. But I do hope that you'll work like a boyscout to light the fire again! And I do hope and pray I'll do the same when my time comes.
1 comment:
I really don't think your post is as brazen as it is an acute observation of thoughtless behavior that plays out too often. Unfortunately, there are many long married couples who respond in a callous manner to young newlywed couples setting out on their lifetime adventure by sharing a jaded perspective based on their own experiences of missed opportunities. A more positive message to newlywed couples would be an acknowledgement that their lives are their own to shape and mold as they will...and happiness can flourish indefintely depending upon how well they tend to their relationship. I think it is important for anyone embarking on marriage to understand that "happily ever after" is indeed a myth unless expectations are balanced with the knowledge that relationships require work and attendance and the willingness to bend and compromise and flow with life's tides...together.
A thought provoking post!
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