Sight

We have lost sight of the fact that we human beings are, in one respect, like small animals without even any fur or sharp teeth to protect us. What protects us is not our viciousness, but our humanity; our ability to love others and to accept the love that others want to offer us. It is not our toughness that keeps us warm at night, but our tenderness which makes others want to keep us warm.

- Harold Lyon 

It's Monday...

Thought Provoking Question: 5 of 25

I'd love to say here that I wouldn't do much differently. Learning to live with authenticity has been a big part of my story.

When I was a little girl, I was pretty good at making up stories, so much so that I learned to lie in great detail, to make up the life that I wanted to be living. Eventually maturity caught up to me, and I became ashamed of my lying, so instead, I started to write. To make up on paper. I wrote a book in fourth grade called The Dream where I processed my own emotions about my parents' divorce and the dislocation I often felt through the lens of 14-year-old Cylie, my protagonist. Fueled by the inspiration of disquieted Meg in A Wrinkle In Time, I wrote Cylie as pensive and intuitive and very squeamish. I wrote her as a young woman who was in part who I hoped I could become, and in part who I knew I would become, for better or worse.

I think writing that book helped me grow up a bit, as did having a very busy adolescence, when I acquired a great many skills and worried not too much about who I was, other than to be it. I did not worry about being judged as many of my peers probably did - I was a tough critic with myself about my looks and my grades, but I felt as long as I could get off to college, I was doing well.

In college I figured out, despite much relational turmoil and a couple of really big losses in my life, who I was. I was someone who wanted to stay active - I rowed for a semester and ran regularly. I was someone who wanted to be of service - I led community projects throughout Baltimore and facilitated diversity dialogues on campus. Mostly, I was someone who wanted to learn about how people work - through classes and said relational turmoil.

From the time I graduated to the time in front of me now, I began a period of less security with myself. This is a shame - I was finally in a place of actual security in many ways - with a career and young adulthood squarely in front of me! But the problem was, for the first time - or so it felt - my life was my own. What did I want to do with it?

I am still exploring potentional answers to that question. I know that the passions formed by my childhood and developed by my education are stable and growing - I want to improve the human condition by learning about it, having compassion for it, and tapping into my talents to inspire it. I want to love and be loved. I want to take care of my body and my heart and my soul. But what would I do differently if I knew nobody would judge me? What would I do differently if I knew I would not judge myself?

I think I'd live with my emotions more. I'd embarrass myself by displaying the pure joy I get almost each and every day by waking up, listening to a beautiful song, seeing the faces of people I care about, getting the opportunity to walk, talk, sing, breathe, each and every day.

Is it just me, or do we take it all for granted, all the time? We've had global tragedies occur to us so recently, but how many of us are still sleeping through life, not appreciating it, and how very ephemeral it really is? I feel like I do that, and sometimes I live like I am already dead to the beauty of this world and my place in it because I feel like others would judge my joy - envy it or laugh at it or consider me a stupid fool for caring as much as I do about my life and the potential we all have.

Time to live like the living, to live alive.

Change

"Change didn’t necessarily happen in my case because of an inherent understanding or knowledge of the world as what it was and is today, but from an ignorance of what was considered impossible."

People this alive in their calling give me hope.

Friday Stream of Consciousness Haiku

I am tired now
But beautiful spring is here
Outside and Inside

Proudest

I can't really express enough gratitude for the men and women in uniform who kept our city safe this past week and weekend. They serve every day, but they especially served with such bravery and humanity when we were under grave threats to both.

I wanted to share this picture - an officer bringing milk to a family with small children that was under the lock down on Friday - because it gives me hope and makes me so, so proud to live here.

Sexuality as it really is

I don't agree with it all at first glance, and I have fully-formed opinions about even less of it, but I do know that the content of this article and the materials put out by its contributors pose really relevant questions about how sexual health is viewed in our societies, and how we raise our young people to be physically and relationally well:

"In truth, partly due to ethical challenges of discussing sexual topics with young teenagers, we know little about the impact pornography has on their sexual behaviour."

"If we moralise about it then we're closing down spaces where young people can legitimately talk about sex and sexuality."

"It may surprise you to learn that most young people, particularly those under 16, don’t look at porn or sexual images."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/apr/16/need-to-talk-about-sex

http://bishuk.com/

Add this to the mix

http://drones.pitchinteractive.com/

Truth and action

How clear the truth can be. I felt this needed to be republished, and republished, and republished. People charged to protect, defend and serve are acting out of monetary self-interest. This needs to stop.

In Hopkinton today, they are running a race today in honor of the Boston Marathon victims. But this one little thing, with hundreds participating, is  of course not enough. We need to look at violence, our role in it, and to act to prevent it, with humanity and with absolutely no excuses.

A Senate in the Gun Lobby’s Grip

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/18/opinion/a-senate-in-the-gun-lobbys-grip.html?hp&_r=2& 

SENATORS say they fear the N.R.A. and the gun lobby. But I think that fear must be nothing compared to the fear the first graders in Sandy Hook Elementary School felt as their lives ended in a hail of bullets. The fear that those children who survived the massacre must feel every time they remember their teachers stacking them into closets and bathrooms, whispering that they loved them, so that love would be the last thing the students heard if the gunman found them.

On Wednesday, a minority of senators gave into fear and blocked common-sense legislation that would have made it harder for criminals and people with dangerous mental illnesses to get hold of deadly firearms — a bill that could prevent future tragedies like those in Newtown, Conn., Aurora, Colo., Blacksburg, Va., and too many communities to count.

Some of the senators who voted against the background-check amendments have met with grieving parents whose children were murdered at Sandy Hook, in Newtown. Some of the senators who voted no have also looked into my eyes as I talked about my experience being shot in the head at point-blank range in suburban Tucson two years ago, and expressed sympathy for the 18 other people shot besides me, 6 of whom died. These senators have heard from their constituents — who polls show overwhelmingly favored expanding background checks. And still these senators decided to do nothing. Shame on them. 

I watch TV and read the papers like everyone else. We know what we’re going to hear: vague platitudes like “tough vote” and “complicated issue.” I was elected six times to represent southern Arizona, in the State Legislature and then in Congress. I know what a complicated issue is; I know what it feels like to take a tough vote. This was neither. These senators made their decision based on political fear and on cold calculations about the money of special interests like the National Rifle Association, which in the last election cycle spent around $25 million on contributions, lobbying and outside spending. 

Speaking is physically difficult for me. But my feelings are clear: I’m furious. I will not rest until we have righted the wrong these senators have done, and until we have changed our laws so we can look parents in the face and say: We are trying to keep your children safe. We cannot allow the status quo — desperately protected by the gun lobby so that they can make more money by spreading fear and misinformation — to go on. 

I am asking every reasonable American to help me tell the truth about the cowardice these senators demonstrated. I am asking for mothers to stop these lawmakers at the grocery store and tell them: You’ve lost my vote. I am asking activists to unsubscribe from these senators’ e-mail lists and to stop giving them money. I’m asking citizens to go to their offices and say: You’ve disappointed me, and there will be consequences. 

People have told me that I’m courageous, but I have seen greater courage. Gabe Zimmerman, my friend and staff member in whose honor we dedicated a room in the United States Capitol this week, saw me shot in the head and saw the shooter turn his gunfire on others. Gabe ran toward me as I lay bleeding. Toward gunfire. And then the gunman shot him, and then Gabe died. His body lay on the pavement in front of the Safeway for hours. 

I have thought a lot about why Gabe ran toward me when he could have run away. Service was part of his life, but it was also his job. The senators who voted against background checks for online and gun-show sales, and those who voted against checks to screen out would-be gun buyers with mental illness, failed to do their job.
       

They looked at these most benign and practical of solutions, offered by moderates from each party, and then they looked over their shoulder at the powerful, shadowy gun lobby — and brought shame on themselves and our government itself by choosing to do nothing.
      

They will try to hide their decision behind grand talk, behind willfully false accounts of what the bill might have done — trust me, I know how politicians talk when they want to distract you — but their decision was based on a misplaced sense of self-interest. I say misplaced, because to preserve their dignity and their legacy, they should have heeded the voices of their constituents. They should have honored the legacy of the thousands of victims of gun violence and their families, who have begged for action, not because it would bring their loved ones back, but so that others might be spared their agony. 

This defeat is only the latest chapter of what I’ve always known would be a long, hard haul. Our democracy’s history is littered with names we neither remember nor celebrate — people who stood in the way of progress while protecting the powerful. On Wednesday, a number of senators voted to join that list. 

Mark my words: if we cannot make our communities safer with the Congress we have now, we will use every means available to make sure we have a different Congress, one that puts communities’ interests ahead of the gun lobby’s. To do nothing while others are in danger is not the American way. 

Gabrielle Giffords, a Democratic representative from Arizona from 2007 to 2012, is a founder of Americans for Responsible Solutions, which focuses on gun violence.

I am thinking this

 http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/30-ways-to-make-someones-day/

Because it's Friday. And it's a day, in general. And it's life in general.

And being nice is always, always nice.

Entitlement

The worst attitude to have is to want something for nothing. Entitlement is the 8th deadly sin. Fight it.

Deserve what you want.

Earn what you get.

 - Craig Ballantyne

Thank you, Martin

Miracles

I joined the running community during the summer of 1999, when I had the dismal task of participating in field hockey "two-a-days," which required a good 8-12 miles of distance work along with all the sprints, drills and scrimmages that accompanied me being pretty bad at the sport.

What I learned about humility from hockey, I learned about strength from those runs, like the one and only time I finished a five-minute mile, not because anyone was counting, but just because I could.

Four years ago I moved to Boston, and have run these streets many times since. I've run with best friends, strangers, and I've even made friends mid-race. I've run alone, and alongside. Because that's how runners are. We run for us, ourselves, but for those greater purposes that connect us all - to be in the moment, to breathe, to push, to rest, and to carry on.

Running has taken me to Ahmedebad, with monkeys and bulls along the side of the road, to the Brandenburg Gate, and past so many times of struggle, stress and sorrow, because running is saying, "Yes, I will" when life makes things unsure.

So I love my fellow runners, I love the city where we run, and we will all continue on together, remembering our strength.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2013/04/15/if-you-are-losing-faith-in-human-nature-go-out-and-watch-a-marathon/?

And the geeks shall inherit the earth

This is not just for geeks! I have been using the non-geek model on a work process for years and would definitely advocate for a little more forethought on my and my colleague's parts to create that glorious thing known as an automated process for one of our services in particular.

Okay, maybe I'm a geek.

Happy Birthday!

 

Happy 55th birthday to my lovely mother.

Mom, you have taught me optimism, curiosity and appreciation of the beauty in the world. You have taught me that it's okay to laugh at little things, and in fact, it's the best.

You've taught me to love animals and nature and myself.

Thank you for being you, and I hope you have a beautiful day!

And then there's Saturday

 

This is a bit old, but after watching the none-too-great, but-still-must-see-it-once Pitch Perfect on the plane ride back home, I'm smitten.

Amazing

http://theweek.com/article/index/242600/girls-on-film-11-female-athletes-who-deserve-their-own-sports-biopic

 Going running this weekend for sure.

Hey

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfTrthOpKCA

Thought Provoking Question: 4 of 25

If not now, then when?

These questions may be a little too thought provoking. I mean, there’s always an excuse, isn’t there? Always a reason to not do something, and – when you look at it – usually a reason too, or at least some sort of justification, that now is the time, if we’re looking for the rationalization to come.

Maybe it’s because I’m tired and experiencing some sort of quasi-jet lag syndrome (I’m sleeping just as well in Berlin as I ever do at home but am still not quite right), but I feel like this question perplexes me more than it provokes my thoughts to come swiftly. I guess I continue to face my own denial about when it is and is not appropriate to act in different situations. My head and my heart can get in one another’s way, compete, or confuse the other a lot these days. I try for a balance, but truly, all I often end up with is a muddle.

At the same time, my overall life approach has been, for low risk activities and decisions, the time is always now. And I suppose I define low risk differently than lots of other people. I’m not afraid to try new things, to be outside of my element, or to learn. I can stand a lot of impulsivity when it comes to taking on risk, right away, in these areas. More so, I wrestle with the risks of relationship, achievement, and personal levels of success. I don’t know how much this is due to my emotional makeup, my gender, my life experiences, any of it. But I know that some things I am deathly afraid of others do wantonly, when it comes to socialization or people-oriented choices, while I’d prefer to try a new food, visit a new city, or jump off a building before I’d risk being unliked. Terrible, huh? Well, not the preferences for new experiences, but the fear of social disapproval. In my heart, I know I need to act now, that this is my life, and what others judge it to be doesn’t matter. My anxieties turn a different way though, and that way is somewhat discouraging. As is this blog post.

I’d love to write a positive post about this question, but I think the hard truth, the silver lining too though, is that in order to experience the reward of risks, to grow, we need to be constantly honest with ourselves about which risks we’re afraid and just a scrupulous about modifying and advancing our attitudes, behavior and skillsets as to become less afraid. What is fear, ultimately, but something that holds us back, something we need to relentlessly confront and conquer? So, in the relentless pursuit of whatever this all is, I aim to live my life more than ever in the moment – to laugh loudly if the situation merits, to cry when I need to cry, to work harder than anyone else would expect and to admit my failures and flaws to the world without choosing to like myself any less for it. I need to expand my risk horizons by doing more now, joyfully, and less “when.”

Opening up

My name is Desirae. I am in Berlin. My Patronus is a song, and that song is “Good Feeling” by Flo Rida. Haters are going to, as they say, hate, but I am a young woman who would rather read than text, who would rather study than gossip, who would rather work my butt off than get paid royally for something easier, and who would rather dance badly sober than ever dance drunk. I’m a little silly right now, and it’s a wonderful place to be.

Anne Smedinghoff

http://blogs.suntimes.com/news/2013/04/parents_statement_on_the_death_of_anne_smedinghoff.html

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-diplomat-killed-20130406,0,389656.story

We've lost a beautiful Bluejay to a horrible thing. My prayers to her family, and may her spirit inject the world with her convinctions as we remember her.

Respect

http://www.buzzfeed.com/whitneyjefferson/guy-is-obsessed-with-becoming-a-mermaid

Sometimes some people like some different things. I get this.

You wouldn't have to ask me twice if Almathea gave me the option to join her.

Working on it

http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/03/travel/national-geographic-kids-travel/index.html?hpt=hp_c3

Away from the east coast for work this week, this picture, post and article makes me nostalgic for childhood, and the dreams I got to dream as a lucky little girl living by the Chesapeake Bay.

http://www.cbf.org/

As if you could pick in love...

...as if it were not a lightning bolt that splits your bones and leaves you staked out in the middle of the courtyard.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/the-25-greatest-quotes-about-love/

Living

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.

-Dawna Markova

This planet...

A whole new spin on bright ideas

http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/31/health/boyden-brain-map/index.html?hpt=he_c1

I have to admit this kind of makes me giddy about neuroscience in a way that nothing else has for a long time. And, per the date, I'm not kidding. Happy April Fool's day anyway!