Since

I've taken a vacation this week and thought it would be apropos to introduce you to the new home I have finally gotten adjusted to, and from which I am taking my leave.

South Boston is great. Great running, great accents, and so close to what I refer to as the rotary of death - a stretch of road that connects me to Dorchester, Cambridge, downtown Boston, work in Newton and the beautiful, winding Charles River. Though Charles Village in Baltimore is a close second, it's the most neighborhood-y place I feel I've ever lived.

I'll not be blogging while I spend time with family and friends this week. Actually, I've been in a bit of a blogging lull if you haven't noticed, which I feel is justified by the number of total posts I've put in so far this year - more than any in years 2008-2012, and we're not even half way through the calendar.

And while blogging has brought me much, particularly in the way of helping me to be more introspective this year, the outcome of that introspection allowed me the ability to recognize that, at this moment, it's time to push outward. If this were The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I would be participating. But it's not, and I'm just putting one flip-flopped foot ahead of the other.

Free

Leave it to H. Fay to remind me, via her beautiful obsessions with beautiful people, that I'm right where I belong today.

I've confused ambition with dissatisfaction.

Best, most-thought-provoking, stop-me-in-my-tracks, say-"yes"-out-loud sentence I've read in a long time.

Read the rest here.

Proud of you, K.

Mirrors

Very pretty song. Very overplayed, but well worth it when the 250lb. guy unloading a truck in Harvard Square belts it out at 6am before your run.

Happy Sunday!

Prayers

...of hope that you'll see 95.

...of gratitude that you saw 94.

http://newsone.com/1397375/nelson-mandela-quotes-93rd-birthday/

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

Thought Provoking Question: 6 of 25

I thought you'd never ask...

I am certainly holding on to lots, much of it unintentionally, but never the less. While the question asks about something in particular, I think I am going to need to jump around here a bit.

I need to let go of the fear that I am incompetent. This fear is based in insecurity, some financial, some emotional, some social. It really doesn't have a place in a world where my purpose is to love God and love others with my whole heart. Its place is back with a need for achievement and praise and approval that sought my worth from somewhere outside of my Creator. Its place is in a time when I thought personal improvement meant never resting, never being content, and always worrying. My once-fragile sense of worthiness is a wolf in sheep's clothing for me, hiding under the term "competency." It's time to let go of thinking that my right to exist is somehow conditional.

I need to let go of idealizing. Seeing things as they are provides clear insight into the choices I have and my autonomy to exercise them. Idealizing leaves me idle and disengaged. Idealizing is not to be confused with imagination, which I think I ought to really embrace a bit more of these days. Idealizing is taking me out of the moment when life could be rich with the now.

Finally, I think I need to let go of busyness. Big time. It's another one of my wolves, and like idealizing, it is not a friend to the present, but zaps it of its glory. Thoughtfulness, a laugh and a smile all find me when I stop doing and start being.

Disagreement

"Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I’d rather experience people–and their politics–through unlikely, awkward, strained, challenging, beautiful relationships built over time. That way, when we do clash or differ, we love each other..."

http://www.spectraspeaks.com/2013/05/afrofeminism-labels-politically-correct-straight-allies-white-antiracissts-male-feminists/

This is an interesting thought piece, my favorite portion of which is quoted above. With this portion, I wholeheartedly agree. In fact, if there is one way in which I feel I've built the unique, enduring and intimate friendships with the amazing souls I'm blessed to know, it's because I learned to know them innocently, without presuppositions about their ilk or affiliation with this and that. It may have been a comedian who said, "The shortest distance between two people is a smile," but it might as well have been a psychologist, journalist, theologian or an attendant of sorrows, because there is all kinds of truth in the notion that genuine relationship trumps preconceived stereotyping every time.

What makes this article and other items I often post here more interesting, though, is the disagreement I have with the author too. I am not sure I quite get the whole picture, even in embracing her personhood and attempting to live out her quote.

 I marvel in the fact that we share certain perspectives so closely. At the same time, the revolt against labels perplexes. Hypocrisy and ignorance are not new problems in our social movements toward equality. Labels can't take away or create discrimination without some social (mis)education around these words. So if these woes are best alleviated through relationship-building, then why mock the "white girl" (label, label) who stepped out of her comfort zone, albeit imperfectly? How is it moving from the strained and challenging to the beautiful to call her a burden on a public forum? Was there an awkward, but gracious moment in there before the author discounts the volunteer relationally, as well as rejecting her self-professed label? And how now do I work to find my own grace instead of discord in moments when someone I want to cheer for disappoints?

My only guess is humility and common ground. If I knew her, and I do not, it might change my whole mind. In every likelihood, she and I  are ultimately on the the same page. We yearn for some of the same things, though we have different life experiences. While a term I might throw around could inflame her, a word she might deem devoid of controversy could wound me. We're human beings and we're struggling to figure life out, no matter how convinced we are of our convictions or how sensitive we have become to their rationale. And that's still why showing up in relationship is going to be what continues to matter.

Something more useful

Today I post real pictures.

Historic Washington Park. Albany, New York. June 15 2013.

Calling things what they are

This is a vain picture.

A vain picture of me doing nothing interesting.

What's worse, I'm clearly trying to mimic/failing at mimicry of a unicorn silhouette

The heart wants what the heart wants...

Dad's day

Happy Father's Day!

And a happy day too to all the men out there who act as surrogate fathers; men who display healthy masculinity to our young people as teachers, coaches, tutors, mentors, Big Brothers, babysitters, and friends, so that young boys and girls don't have to grow up thinking manhood is synonymous with an unhealthy image they see on television or anywhere else.

Fortunately, there are some heartwarming examples fatherhood on TV, and I don't just mean Ned Stark:

http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/151796/5_sweet_commercials_that_really?result=comment_added&comment_state=nonmember&success=1

Children

ILO: Millions of Children in Slave-life Conditions as Domestic Laborers

What do think about this? At first it's an obvious human rights offense that needs to be ended. But there's so much more. In my opinion, it's the caste system by any other name. In my friend's opinion, "If you want to prevent hate and violence in the future, we have to address 10 million enslaved children and 200 million laboring children. Neglecting them will be the source of future instability." Well, that's true too.

I have a level of discomfort confronting an issue square in the eyes when I feel it is so clearly cultural, as well as exploitative. I know I must be missing something. It needs to stop, but how? Oversight data and outside intervention are not likely to be as effective as intra-cultural advocacy and activism. That's just my take. Deriving safe societies where children can be healthy, safe and learned needs to be the imperative, in any case.

Friday and my friends

...are the best.

Especially when they send me .gif files to remind me that, you know what?!

Life. is. exciting.

Dig it.

Donate what you can

A very sweet piece by my friend Jed about a very serious issue:

http://www.jacksonfreepress.com/news/2013/jun/12/everyday-struggles/

I feel like I should write more about organ donation here. It changed my life, my family, and my outlook on the world.

I am among the blessed to have never needed, for my own medical purposes, to have ever spent a night in a hospital room or even visit the doctor much. The process of donating an organ was then, for me, a brand new experience. Almost weekly blood work and tests, meetings with what seemed like dozens of physicians, and the mental preparation to undergo a period of time where I would feel ill, weak, and hurting; these tasks were at first mere means to an end.

As I jumped these hurdles, however, I became a fuller person. I practiced yoga with great regularity so that my mind would be still and my body would be capable of bouncing back from surgery. Though I'm young, I made a certain peace with God. Understanding that my life served a purpose beyond myself, I came to trust that purpose would work out for the good, that whatever the surgical outcome. Spending much time with family in close quarters was stressful, but more so, it was a time of great gratitude, where I believe we all realized with profound clarity how much we mean to one another. The struggles of the process, in the end, were minute in comparison to the lessons learned and the growth I experienced. If I could farm kidneys and do it all over again, for a friend or a stranger, I would. But to be able to donate once was a gift the universe gave me and not the other way around.

I think the article makes another good point. Jed invests his time with people who are hurting. He is present with them. He smiles. These are the donations that matter day-to-day, when we are kind to a friend or acquaintance who needs our tenderness, often much more than is evident at first sight. I am grateful for people like Jed, who live among us with great compassion. From him I draw the inspiration never pass someone by.

Lure

“The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are."

- John Burroughs

So simple

How good it is to remember that it's not me holding the earth in orbit.

How good it is to be within that world, spinning too.

Only ever so slightly symbolic

of my life.

Take today

Feel like the world don't love you
They only want to push you away
Some days people don't see you
You feel like you're in the way
Today you feel, as if everyone hates
Pointing their fingers, looking at your mistakes
You do good, they want great
No matter what you give they still want to take
Give your love and they throw it back
You give your heart they go on attack
When there's nothing left for you,
Only thing that you can do, say

Today, today, live like you wanna,
Let yesterday burn and throw it in a fire, in a fire, in a fire,
Fight like a Warrior***

Some things you should let go, they're only gonna pull you down,
Just like weight on your shoulder they are only gonna make you drown
We all swing high, we all swing low,
We all got secrets people don't know
We all got dreams we can't let go,
We want to brave, Don't be afraid
Ohh

Your heart is too heavy from things you carry a long time,
You been up you been down, tired and you don't know why,
But you're never gonna go back, you only live one life
Let go, let go, let goooooo, Let go, let go, let goooooo,

Today, today, live like you wanna,
Let yesterday burn and throw it in a fire, in a fire, in a fire,
Fight like a Warrior

 ***Warriors can apparently beatbox like no man.

The Mountain

"Something that I often hear is, 'Why does it matter if you're the first black person to do this? The mountain doesn't care if you're black.' And it's true. Once you're on the mountain, it doesn't care if you're black. But by the time you're at the base of the mountain with the skills that you need, you're 75 percent of the way there, at least, and it's that road to get to the base of the mountain that I think a lot of people don't appreciate"

- Adina Scott, a member of Expedition Denali, a team of African-American climbers who plan to summit Mount Denali in Denali National Park this month as a way to inspire youth of color. 

I feel this way about snowboarding too (And why I am so glad Burton has Chill). The opportunity to practice a skill, talent, hobby is often much more important than whether any person in particular gets to...go fishing...go hiking...sit by a campfire...see an opera...ride a horse...visit a new city...read a book.

Though any new experience can give the soul new eyes, it's a matter of investing enough in individuals' access points to new experience, in general, overall, that really opens doors.

Since many people invested in me for decades, especially in my academic investment, but also through the arts, athletics, travel, and in sharing their spirits enough with me to have picked up some small doses of life wisdom here and there, I now know that I can do what I aspire to do. Maybe not right away - training, planning, saving, and other hurdles may need to be jumped, but over time, I can get there.

Allowing kids to develop this sense of agency in themselves as they grow takes more than circumstantial exposure to a field trip or perk; it takes long-term investments in young people as individuals, and the willingness to advocate for systems change, so that when a child has a dream - any dream - there's a way for that will to be realized.

Whenever

Whenever I start to suffer - not for the good, but out of that boredom, that entitlement, that self-pity that finds me, usually after 6pm on work days...or that which sometimes creeps in between fun times on weekends or, let's be real, in heavy traffic, or long waits, or when someone criticizes me, I try to think of something along these lines:

I have a lot of faith in life, and a large part of that belief system tells me we only get one. One life to be everything that we are, tell people we love them, to appreciate all that's here and won't be here tomorrow.

As I've explained before, opening up is hard for me. Letting people know just how much I value them, and not only them, but the experiences I get to have with them sharing our weird cross-section of humanness, has been a real challenge.

It's taken me a while to realize that people accept me. People still love me when I'm bad or wrong, still value me when I can give them nothing but imperfection. Now that I'm starting to get that, life is starting to feel like a vacation after all.

Too short. Never enough pictures. But sweet.

Moving week

Time to take the leap.

My list of small wonders for the day

life.
friends.
song.
hot dogs.
yowza yogurt.
anniversaries.
the last unicorn.
strawberries in season.
porches.
bare feet.
life.

Truth. Beauty.

The only thing that can make a truth more beautiful, and a beautiful thing more true, is when that truth is our truth, and that beauty is our beauty.